MY STOLEN VOICE

I lived in Ghana for 14 years with my twin brother and when we moved to this country, we started secondary school after 2 months. I remember the second or third week in school we were given a history homework and it involved writing and reading it to the class. Because we spoke English in our school in Ghana, English wasn’t a problem. What they didn’t teach us is a British accent or American accent or any accent. Just English. I did my homework and when I got class, I didn’t want to read because I just didn’t want to sound different and fresh. I was even planning to tell the teacher I didn’t do the homework but also I thought , “is this the first impression you want to make?” So it got to my turn and as I started reading, these guys in the room started laughing. I immediately stopped and if you know me very well, tears comes like food to me. Yes, I cried.

Right there and then, my confidence of speaking stopped. My voice was seized. I told myself, I would never read anything in class, or speak in a big group or anything. I succeeded in keeping that promise to myself. When we went out, I wouldn’t say a word unless I am your friend or I am comfortable speaking to you. If we are in a class and I have a question, I won’t ask. If I knew the answer, I’d keep it to myself. This thing hanged onto me for a very long time. Class presentation were the worst for me. Recently, I told myself, why seize your voice because of something that happened once. Why miss different opportunities over something as such. Why block different blessings over this?

One thing that I’m grateful to God about is that I love writing. If I hated writing too, then I would have gone years just hiding from people. This blog today is just to encourage you that whatever is causing you to not put yourself out there, or to hide from the world or to stay still, it is not worth it. I watched Mike Todd’s series “Release: Stop Holding It” and I remembered how I held on to this issue which held me from putting myself out there. It took me about 5-6 years to realise that it doesn’t matter. People will speak, people will laugh, people will point at you but God didn’t give us the spirit of fear, anxiety, shame, but he gave us the power to be heard by the nation. Your voice is your power. You need to be heard.

If I got money for every time someone asked “what country are you from” or “where is your accent from” or “you have an accent you know” or when they repeat whatever I said but in a silly tone that they assume is a Ghanaian accent, I would be rich. People do these things just for the amusement of it. These people did not know that what they were saying and doing was hitting and digging into an issue I was facing. Of course, they won’t know. It’s like trying to clean the floor but every time you wipe it, another dirt falls in the same spot. That was how I felt. Imagine trying to fit in and someone keeps reminding you that you sound different, that is torturing. So you know what I did, I stopped trying to fit in. I stopped trying to sound like everyone. It is about time you build that confidence of “whatever, I am still happy and proud”.

The Bible even says in Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed by the world”. Do not behave in a way so you can be accepted. Be proud of who you are. If you are the tallest girl in your class or in your friendship group, be happy that you are special. Because if you start being insecure about something you can’t change, you are only hurting yourself. Be happy you are different. Be happy you look different. Be happy you sound different. Be happy and proud of who you are. Because when you start changing and dwelling on it, you insecurities increases, your confidence decreases, your depression increases and your happiness falls flat. To be honest, sometimes hiding my voice swoops in and my confidence drops but it is a working progress. There is no problem in being a shy person, but that is different from hiding because of a past situation. Love yourself just as how God loves you. God loves every bit of you including the spots and the accent. Be happy you are different. May God bless you.

Prayer: Lord we thank you for this day. Lord we ask that you give us the power and strength to love ourselves no matter what and give us the confidence to step outside and display our differences. We bless your name, amen.